How to politely leave your family's WhatsApp group

There is nothing more annoying than a family WhatsApp group. 

Yes, your mother had good intentions when she started the "Jackson Family" group, but things went south when the Jackson Five became the Jackson 16 - and counting.

Not only did she invite all six of her siblings, but she also added her aunt Jackie from Kokstad and her cousin Fred's long-lost daughter from Cape Town.

Sixty-two notifications later, and you are probably ready to pull out all your hair. 

After 12 "good morning" messages, and aunt Jackie's constant broadcasts urging you to type "amen",  you will no doubt be plotting your exit strategy. 

But leaving your family's WhatsApp group is not that easy. 

Once everyone gets the "Jane has left the group" message, you will be inundated with private queries about why you left.

Your mother might even accuse you of bringing shame to the family's name. 

Fred will even go around telling everyone at his AA meeting what a snob you are.

If you are brave enough to give your family WhatsApp message the finger, then stop reading now and take your evil heart to therapy.

But if like us, you still want to be invited to Christmas lunch, then keep reading. 

Step one

Mute their annoying behinds. Yes, we know this will only stop your phone from pinging non-stop, and when you log onto WhatsApp you will still be reminded that you have 162 message waiting for you in the group. But hey, at least you can ignore them for a while, and even though you technically have not left the group, it will feel like you have. 

Step two

After a a few days aunt Jackie will realise that you have not typed "amen" to any of her very serious broadcast messages. She will send a message in the group asking what happened to you. "Has she fallen terribly ill?" she will ask with a sad face emoji. Resist the urge to reply with, "yes, I am sick and tired of your annoying messages". Now that your absence has been noticed it is time to tell a little white lie. First apologise for not being active on the group - just so Fred does not have another excuse to make small talk with his pal Jim at his AA meetings, instead of opening up about his wine-loving ways. Then say you will be off social media for a week (or two - okay maybe three) because you need to study for an exam. Then put step one back in play, and continue to ignore their clueless behinds. If everyone knows you are not the studying type, then use your imagination. Then put step one back in place. 

Step three

If step two does not work, because aunt Jackie knows that studying is not a 24/7 type of thing, and continues sending her "do not buy these chips - they have been poisoned by the government" messages, then it is time to go in for the kill. Simply update your personal status with"my phone is broken and will be going for repairs". A few hours later notify your family group about your bad luck, and make sure to note that putting it in a bag of dry rice did not work, because aunt Jackie is one message away from recommending you do it. Then, with a crying face emoji to back you up, announce that you will have to wait until payday for the repairs to be done, because fixing your iPhone is not cheap. This will buy a few days of muted group silence. 

Step four

If step one, two, and three do not work, just be honest! It will be really hard for aunt Jackie to understand why WhatsApp indicates you were last seen at 11:15am while your phone supposedly went in for repairs (see step three) at 8:08am. So just give it to them straight. Politely let your family know that you have a J-O-B, and it is hard to keep up with all their messages. Let them know you will be leaving the group, but of course you still love them - some of them anyway. But promise that you will keep in touch.  Then leave the group. Mission accomplished! 

If all else fails, just be glad you have a family who cares enough to notify you about the "10 signs the end is near", so that you can stop your sinful ways in time. 

Now that's real love, people! 

Do you have any other ways to politely leave your family's WhatsApp group? Share them in the comments section below.

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